hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
