Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Green mimosas i think yes
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
