Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
