You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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