do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
