Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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