i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
