My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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