I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
