Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
