Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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