tell your sister to shave her snatch
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
