So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
