I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize