Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
