I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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