I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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