She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
