home. puking in laundry basket.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
