Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
