he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
