I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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