so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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