It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
