Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
