is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
