omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
