He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Naked Twister starts at high noon
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
