people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i barfeds in our rink
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
