you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
