so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
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I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
foreskin is a definite game changer
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He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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