Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
