Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
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It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
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Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!