It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.