Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
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I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
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I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...