I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
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I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
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At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time