I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
