Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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