I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
