I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
