yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I looked at my own cervix.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
