i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
