So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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