Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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