i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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