you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
