I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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