First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
