Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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