Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
