He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
