She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I need to calm my uterus...
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