He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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