It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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