My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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