Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
