forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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