o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
