Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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