I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
