Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
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5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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