Yo dont text me then not text me
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
