I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
