Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i now understand why vodka
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
