so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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