You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
