I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
