She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
