I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
