my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
