He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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