Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
