trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
